Hope... June 29th - July 5th

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree of life."  Proverbs 13:12.

What is hope? Is it like the old song that sings, “I’m wishing, and hoping and hoping and on and on and on and on....” Or is there power behind it? I would surmise that there is power and without it I would not be alive nor in my right mind to even discover it’s depths.

hope/hōp/
Noun:
A feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.
Synonyms:
noun.  expectation - expectancy - expectance - trust - promise
verb.  trust - expect - anticipate.

WOW!!!! To me this is like my faith, it is like expecting something (even when there is no tangible reason that I notice or can see) to happen!!!!! Get out of town!!!

When I moved/returned to Los Angeles after the sex-slavery and rape I had no visible reason to believe that I could achieve anything special. Many of the women I knew were sick, dead, hard core addicts, still in prostitution or lost.

I admit, I was an addict as well, lost and very broken. In addition, I had these little behavioral disorders (because of the intense emotional damage caused by sexual violations and a loss of or rather lack of a true or earnest identity)... these disorders that were deeply rooted in fear and major issues of rejection. So what the heck was I doing working towards a childhood dream of being an actress when much of what actors face is rejection? CRAZY!!! Right? Well, you can simply call it... HOPE...

There was something so optimistic that the darkness that surrounded me and ran through my head and body HAD to - pause - from time to time. It was in those moments that  - that overwhelming desire and HOPE to live, to be free from the emotional bondage and emotional poverty that gripped me, parted for just a brief moment and I was able to experience a type of bliss and expectation that somehow, someway and someday knew my life was going to change. That I was going to change, that I was going to be at peace and happy and safe.

I learned little by little through therapy and prayer and divine love to not DEFER this expectant hope, because when I did I felt sick. When I did this  - I slowly began to experience more and more purpose. My healing has taken a very long time and it has come in stages but I also realize that it can come quicker for some when we OWN our true feelings and experiences, share them and begin  - at the beginning.  I no longer desired to defer my dreams , desires and potential future.

deferred: past participle, past tense of de·fer (Verb)
Verb:
Put off (an action or event) to a later time; postpone.

I was no longer going to postpone my life.

I want to speak more on this but I will save it for next week as we complete this 7 part series. So as I often do, I want to give you a quote from Dr. Caroline Leaf on our thought life as HOPE begins HERE...


“87% to 95% of the illnesses that plague us today are a direct result of our thought life. What we think about affects us physically and emotionally. It's an epidemic ...  The average person has over 30,000 thoughts a day. Through an uncontrolled thought life, we create the conditions for illness; we make ourselves sick! Research shows that fear, all on its own, triggers more than 1,400 known physical and chemical responses and activates more than 30 different hormones.There are INTELLECTUAL and MEDICAL reasons to FORGIVE!
How many "could-have", "would-have", "should-have" statements have you made today?
How many "if onlys" were part of your inner vocabulary today? How many times have you replayed in your head a conversation or situation that pained you, or one that hasn't even occurred yet?” 

When I learned to control my thoughts - and mind, when I FOUGHT to do so and still fight - HOPE soars in like the champion eagle it is.

Do not defer your hope by thinking the worst - regardless of how ugly life might have been,  even when the shame and guilt of it all tries to cripple us/you.

Talk to yourself, sing to yourself, declare out loud - that you are LOVED, POWERFUL, WORTHY, HEALED, WHOLE, HAPPY, JOYOUS, HONORABLE, BEAUTIFUL, SUCCESSFUL, IN YOUR RIGHT MIND and can and will live the life that you were born to.  YOU WILL...

See you soon and until then - Love Well...